Village is going back to its roots as a school for artistic and creatively inclined students with the construction of a brand new state of the art stage as the centerpiece for a theater program.

Village students were exhilarated to find out that our vending machine would be randomly replaced with a carpeted stage. Remarked senior Cole, “I can’t wait to pour my heart out in our productions. The only problem I can foresee is that considering we are one of the largest schools on Long Island, there will be a lot of competition as to how many students can fit on the stage at once.” Cole’s resume consists of being able to burp the ABC’s, so he expects to be a strong contender for future starring roles.

Before the first production could be picked, it was crucial to calculate the size of semi- octagon shape of the stage to be sure that everything could run smoothly. Senior Natanel had the brilliant idea to calculate the maximum and minimum of a parabolic graph in order to see where on the stage props could potentially be safely placed. The math calculations were complicated when Natanel had to take into consideration genius design plan that included building radiators into the stage, thus allowing actors to keep warm during a performance. “I always knew pre-calculus would come in handy,” said Natanel. “We now know that props can only go in the middle of the stage as they could create a fire hazard otherwise.”

Another problem theater students encountered was the Christmas decorations above the radiators. “Christmas was over four months ago,” reported Yoni, a concerned student. “The excellent idea to build a stage into two radiators might be a fire hazard when it comes to the intense heat and hanging decorations. We don’t want to have an incident worse than Mason’s science test grades during a play.” 

To solve this problem, math students decided to use the quadratic formula to find the distance of the heat rising to the stage. After forgetting the “b2 ,” they switched their approach to solving a geometric proof of a triangle. The last step of the proof was “angle, side, angle,” which was a huge relief because they would now be able to keep the “Winter Wonderland” sign up. “This will add a side of mystery and confusion to our shows. I never realized how useful geometric proofs were.” said Sarah, a junior. 

After “double-bubble” factoring of all the students, Village decided the first play would be based off of the Broadway musical sensation, “Cats.” Thanks to the influence of Common Core math word problems, a play focusing on cats played by humans would not seem at all unusual. “I am so used to those crazy word problems where people go to the pet store to buy large amounts of animals. I wouldn’t be surprised if our next show was about someone buying an obscene amount of watermelons at the supermarket for a discount of 16%. Thanks Common Core for allowing me to understand realistic real life situations!” said grateful student Julia, a graduating senior.

Principal Steve Goldberg said, “The large student body at Village allows us to put on a variety of different shows as students each have their own interests.” Henry, a freshman, proposed something in the horror genre, “I’m pretty sure I saw the ghost of Bradley lingering at the piano the other day. We could use that as a starting off point for sure.”  Likewise, another student suggested a horror production baed on Yoni’s Credit Board results, but this idea was quickly shelved as it clearly ignored the sacred principle that “What happens in Credit Boards, stays in Credit Boards.” 

The construction of the new state-of-the-art stage has not only invigorated students’ artistic sides, but has also opened their eyes as to how useful the math learned in high school can be and how it will apply to our everyday lives in the future. Without parabolic graphs, the quadratic formula, factoring, Common Core standards, and geometric proofs students would not be able to put on smooth productions.

When shows starts, tickets will be $5 which can be paid to Lauren. make sure she is paying attention to her pocket book as this has been an issue in the past.

Because the only viable location of the stage was in the gym area, there was concern about sacrificing students’ opportunity for exercise. However, concerns were quelled when it was realized that STEAM, a science elective could serve as a physical outlet for students via building fences and shoveling gardens. Representatives of Great Neck School District have not gotten back to us regarding whether or not this type of work violates child labor laws.

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